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Dancer 16. One last surprise before I go.... Tuesday, 25-Jul-2000 15:30:28
(The scene is the bar where Sarah works. Seated at a table is a fat man and some men who look like gangsters.) Dancer: Can I get you something to drink, sir? Fat guy: I’M STEVE BALLMER, SWEET CHEEKS!! You can get me a bowl of rice!! Dancer: We don’t serve rice here…. Ballmer: WWWHHHAAAATTTT???!!! (The Fat Guy gets up and kicks Dancer’s ass, sending her crashing to the floor.) Dancer: You big brute!! I’ll get you!! Ballmer: I’M STEVE BALLMER, PRESIDENT OF MICROSOFT, HOT CAKES!! How are you gonna beat me, little miss priss….ass? Dancer:……..Good question. (eyeing the Ladies’ room) Uh…can I go use the ladies’ room? I’ve really got to go to the bathroom…. Ballmer: HOW ABOUT YOU DIE?! (Ballmer picks Dancer up and throws her into the window, where she crashes through it and lands on the street outside. She is cut up by shards of glass.) Dancer: (getting up) Must…fight….without…costume? Ballmer: FEE FI FOE FUM, SWEET HOT CAKES IS REALLY DUMB!! Dancer: Crap…..I guess I’ll just stand my bloody ground as Sarah, not Dancer. I’ve got to knock him out!! (Ballmer punches Dancer as hard as he can in the face. Dancer’s teeth fall out in a stream of blood.) Dancer: FMY TEEPTH!! LOOPTH WHAT VOOVE DONVE TOTH MYTH TEENTH!! Ballmer: WHY WON’T YOU DIE, SEXY MAMA?! (Ballmer takes a bite out of Dancer’s shoulder) WE CEOS AT MICROSOFT ARE REAL CANNIBALS!! I ATE BILL GATES TO GET MY JOB, HOT CHEEKS!! Dancer: WAAAAHH!! STOP CALLING ME THAT!! IMPROBABILITY POWER!! (nothing happens) I said….IMPROBABILTY POWER!! Ballmer: What the Hell……? Dancer: Oh, crap!! Come on!! Why aren’t my powers working? Mr. Scarface: You never had any real power to begin with, my dear. That improbability power you stole from Xander’s name is all wishy wash in your head. You really ought to see a doctor, doll face….. Dancer: DAMMIT!! (Ballmer slams his head into Dancer, sending her falling into a pile of fish) Chinese fisherman guy: I BREAK OUT THE FLIED LICE TO CATCH THEM FISHIES!! YOU PAY, WITCH!! YOU PAY GOOD!! Dancer: BUT I DON’T HAVE ANY MONEY!! Chinese Man: (pulls out a large butcher’s knife) Then you pay…..WITH YOUR LIFE!!! GAAAHHH, DIIIEEE!!!! Dancer: NOOOO!!! (The Chinese guy pulls out a knife, sending her reeling back in pain) MY HAAANNNDDD!!!! Crack head: YOU ROLLIN’ IN MY DOOBIES, MOMMA?! Dancer: NOOO!!! I MEAN, YEAH!! SO WHAT IF I AM?! WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DO ABOUT IT, HUH?! Crack head: Kill you, mother……(crack head pulls out a gun and shoots Dancer in the chest until the clip’s empty) Dancer: (wheezing) I’m….dying…. Penismeister: SO AM I!! GET HIM, MEN!! (meister’s warriors and Ballmer’s machine gun armed men close in on Dancer, getting ready to kill her.) Ballmer: WAIT, STTTOPPP!!!!! Dancer: You….you’ll let me live..? Ballmer: No…..who said anything about that? I’m just really hungry…..OUBENDOSK!! (opens mouth and reaches down towards Dancer) Dancer: (holding hand in front of face) UH, NNNNOOOOOAAAAAAHHHHHYHH!!!!! Ballmer: IUSHUSAHDSAUIHD!!! (devours Dancer and belches loudly) UUURRRRRMMM!!! YUM!! TASTY, HOT SEXY MAMA!! YOU CAN SAY WHAT YOU WANT BUT I’M A LADIES MAN, OW OW OW OW, STAYIN’ ALIVE, STAYIN’ ALLLLIIIVVVEEE!!! OH YEAH….(walks down the street to the hip hop funk) Penismeister: EAT EXILE, LITTLE BARBIE SCOUT GIRL!! The End. Dancer |
| Dancer 16. One last surprise before I go.... (Dancer) (25-Jul-2000 15:30:28) |
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